Banish Bullying

After enduring months of abusive taunts, intimidation and humiliation at a Massachusetts high school, 15-year-old Phoebe Prince simply wanted it to stop. In a stairwell near her home, it did. She hanged herself, her body discovered by a younger sibling.

This sad story captured headlines around the globe. Her alleged tormentors now face criminal charges. The cruel details of what Phoebe experienced struck a nerve and sparked an outpouring of grief and outrage. Many are demanding justice. Some want revenge. Most simply want an answer to a seemingly simple question: How do you stop bullying?

There is no single answer to that question. And no instant fixes.

When it comes to bullying, there is no shortage of assumptions about why it happens (“kids being kids”) or who’s to blame (Society! Schools! Parents!). But these beliefs – often misguided – do nothing to help young people who are caught in a cycle of abuse. Here are a few general tips and strategies that actually can make a difference:

Bullying victims often don’t seek help. Therefore, it’s important to recognize the signs that suggest a child may be getting bullied. The more signs or characteristics a child shows, the greater the chances bullying is an issue. Signs to watch for include the following:

• Appearing distressed, depressed or tearful
• Being afraid or reluctant to go to school
• Staying close to adults (school staff) rather than peers
• Coming home with unexplained bruises or scratches
• Having torn clothes or damaged books
• Having difficulty sleeping
• Needing extra money for no apparent reason

Victims often react emotionally (crying or getting angry) to their tormentors. This can invite more abuse. Teaching children social skills, including how to respond appropriately to bullies, can make them less of a target.

Bullies often learn their aggressive behaviors at home, from parents or caregivers. That’s why it’s so important for adults to be aware of their actions and model behaviors that demonstrate caring and compassion.

Bullies thrive in environments where there is little supervision and where aggressive behaviors are tolerated. Whether in school or at home, bullying behaviors can be significantly diminished when adequate supervision is provided and appropriate, healthy boundaries are enforced.

Bystanders, the people who witness bullying, can be difference makers. When they remain silent or join in, they perpetuate the problem. Teaching bystanders how to stand up for victims or at least report incidents of harassment, can help create a safer, more respectful environment.

Bullying is going viral via social networking sites (Facebook stalking) and cell phone messaging (texting and sexting). Younger children need to be monitored and supervised when using technology, and adults need to talk to older kids about online etiquette and set specific guidelines for Internet and cell phone use. All kids need to be encouraged not to forward cyberbullying messages, and victims need to be encouraged to print out offending messages and bring them to the attention of a parent or trusted adult.